Teddy

It’s funny how life can go from picture-perfect to completely falling apart in just a few months. I mean, look at me Teddy, the influencer with millions of followers, the girl everyone wanted to be. My content was always on point, my followers adored me, and brands lined up to work with me. But right now? I can’t even get through a single video without feeling like I’m choking on my regrets.

It started with a DM. David. The ex I swore I would never talk to again. The one who tore me down piece by piece, and left me questioning everything about myself. I don’t know why I responded. Maybe I thought he had changed. Maybe a part of me was curious. I hadn’t seen him in over a year, and when he messaged me, apologizing for everything and claiming he’d grown, I wanted to believe him. Stupid, right?

We met up. At first, it was innocent just catching up. But it didn’t take long for us to fall back into old habits. The chemistry between us was still there, and I was weak. I know that now. I fell for his charm again, despite everything I knew about him, despite all the damage he had caused. Before I realized it, I was back in an affair with him, sneaking around and lying to myself more than anyone else.

And it’s been downhill ever since. My work, my life it’s all spiraling out of control. The guilt, the shame… it’s suffocating. I’m losing focus, losing my passion for the one thing I’ve always loved creating. My content is all over the place, and it shows. I used to be able to wake up, shoot a video, edit it, and have it ready to go in hours. Now, I can barely bring myself to sit in front of the camera without my mind wandering to the last fight we had, or the way he gaslights me into thinking this whole mess is somehow my fault.

And the worst part? My followers are starting to notice. The engagement isn’t there anymore. The numbers are dropping. I see the unfollows every time I refresh my feed, and it’s like a knife to my chest. People used to comment on how much they loved my energy, and how inspiring I was. Now they leave concerned messages, asking if everything’s okay. And I wish I could tell them the truth that no, nothing’s okay. That I’ve messed up, that I’m stuck in this toxic loop with a man who doesn’t deserve another second of my time. But how do I explain that? How do I tell the world that I let him back into my life, knowing full well what he’s capable of?

I’ve lost deals big ones. Brands that used to reach out regularly are ghosting me now. I can’t even blame them. Why would they want to work with someone who can’t get her act together? I’m supposed to be this polished, confident woman who has it all, and here I am, crumbling behind the scenes.

I regret everything. I regret letting David back in, thinking he had changed. I regret letting my work suffer, letting my passion slip through my fingers. I regret not listening to the part of me that knew better, the part of me that was screaming to run in the other direction.

I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to get back to the person I was before all of this. But what I do know is that I can’t stay like this. I can’t keep losing followers, losing deals, and losing myself. I’ve got to pull it together, and fast. Because if I don’t, everything I’ve built is going to disappear, and I’ll have no one to blame but myself.