Diane

Some days, the weight feels unbearable. Juggling work and motherhood is hard enough, but when you add the unique challenges of raising a child with autism, the balance feels impossible.

My son, Daniel, is my world. When I look at him, I see a beautiful, bright light. But his struggles the meltdowns, the difficulty communicating the overwhelming sensory overloads are constant reminders of how different his world is from mine. As a single mother, I’ve always had to be everything for him: his caregiver, his advocate, his protector. But being all those things while holding down a demanding job has tested me in ways I never imagined.

There are days when I barely keep it together. I’ll spend hours at work, trying to stay focused while my mind drifts to Daniel wondering if he’s okay at school, if he’s having a good day if his teachers understand him. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had to leave work early because of an emergency, or how many meetings I’ve missed because he needed me.

My career has suffered, but the guilt of not being able to give Daniel the time and attention he needs is even worse. I know he senses my stress. I try to hide it, to be strong for him, but there are moments when I break down, alone in the quiet of my room after he’s asleep, the exhaustion too much to bear.

And yet, I keep going. Because I have to. For him.

Some days, it feels like the world doesn’t understand. The stares, the judgment from strangers when Daniel has a public meltdown, the pity from coworkers who don’t know how to offer help. It’s isolating, as though we’re living in a world that wasn’t built for us.

But in the middle of all the chaos, there are moments of joy. Moments when Daniel locks eyes with me, and I see his smile, his pure and unfiltered love. Those moments remind me why I keep pushing, why I sacrifice, why I keep trying to balance work and motherhood, even when it feels like I’m failing at both.

It’s not easy, but being his mother is the most important job I’ll ever have. No matter how tough things get, I’ll never stop fighting for him for his future, for his happiness, and for the world to see the brilliance that I see in him every day.