Whenever there’s a conversation about narcissists in relationships, you’ll find me in the middle of it because, let me tell you, I’ve been there. And it was draining like “battery on 5% with no charger in sight” kind of draining.

To help my fellow babes avoid the mental gymnastics of figuring out if your partner is a narcissist or just a certified agbaya, let’s break it down with relatable scenarios straight out of our Naija handbook.

Who is a Narcissist?

A narcissist is not just someone full of themselves; it’s deeper than that. They’re manipulative, and self-centered, and will gaslight you into thinking you’re crazy for pointing out their bad behavior. But hey, sometimes, the guy isn’t a full-blown narcissist; he’s just plain annoying.

 Scenarios to Help You Decide

1. He Always Wants to Win an Argument, Even When He’s Wrong

    You: “Babe, this is the third time you’ve forgotten my birthday.”

Him: “But I remembered your aunt’s birthday last year. Isn’t that   enough?”

If he’s a narcissist: He’ll flip the script so much you’ll feel like you’re auditioning for a Nollywood role. He’ll make it seem like you’re ungrateful for the one thing he did years ago, completely dismissing your point.

If he’s just an asshole: He’ll shrug, say “Sorry na, I forgot,” and go back to watching football. Annoying, but not gaslighting you into oblivion.

• He Only Compliments You When It Benefits Him

You’ve spent hours in traffic going to braid that 80-inch knotless, and he sees you and says, “Fine babe! Omo, my guys will be jealous of me today.”

If he’s a narcissist: The compliments are strategic. He only praises you when he can show you off or when it boosts his ego. If nobody’s watching, you’ll be lucky to get a “You look okay sha.”

If he’s just an asshole: He’ll forget to notice your hair until his sister points it out. Then he’ll hit you with, “Oh, I knew something was different. It’s nice.” Lazy effort, but not malicious.

• He Never Apologizes He’d Rather Gaslight

You: “What you said hurt my feelings.”Him: “I don’t understand why you’re so sensitive. You know I was joking, right?”

If he’s a narcissist: He’ll gaslight you so much that you’ll start questioning your feelings. By the end of the convo, you’ll be the one saying sorry.

If he’s just an asshole: He’ll grudgingly apologize but follow it up with “You sef, learn to take a joke.” Still annoying, but not mind game level.

• He’s Obsessed with How People See Him

You catch him lying to his friends about taking you to Dubai when the closest he’s ever taken you is Domino’s Pizza.

If he’s a narcissist: His entire life is curated for the ‘gram and his boys. He’ll do anything to protect his “perfect guy” image, even if it means lying through his teeth or throwing you under the bus.

If he’s just an asshole: He doesn’t care enough to lie. He’ll say, “Dubai? Abeg, what’s wrong with Lagos? Eko Atlantic is the same thing.”

• He Hates Seeing You Happy Without Him

You’re out with your girls, posting snaps of cocktails and laughing. Next thing, he’s texting, “So you’re out having fun while I’m at home? Wow.”

If he’s a narcissist: He’ll guilt-trip you into coming home early or make you feel like you’re selfish for prioritizing your own joy.

If he’s just an asshole: He’ll sulk and send passive-aggressive texts like, “At least bring shawarma on your way back.”Childish? Yes. But not soul-crushing.

The key difference is intent. Narcissists thrive on control and manipulation they want you to feel small so they can feel big. Assholes, on the other hand, are just inconsiderate humans who didn’t learn basic emotional intelligence.

If you’ve ticked off more narcissist boxes than you care to admit, run o. Life is too short to be managing somebody’s son who’s determined to drain your peace of mind. But if it’s just a sprinkle of asshole behavior? You can decide if he’s worth the stress or just hand him back to the streets.

No manis worth your sanity. If his wahala is too much, call your girls, blast your SZA playlist, and block him before he even finishes typing “We need to talk.